It’s all about feelings — even if you’re not a “feelings” person
Everything we do is about feelings. We make decisions based on our feelings. We procrastinate because we want to avoid certain feelings. We rush to get to or through feelings faster. And we set goals because of how we imagine we’ll feel when we achieve them.
However, there is something important that sits behind all of that feeling: our thoughts.
Our thoughts create our feelings
“When we start to notice our thoughts and consciously manage them, we gain more control over how we want to feel and act. We literally become more thoughtful and less reactive.”
As humans, we’ve developed the unique ability to give word-based language to our thoughts.
That is, thoughts can be expressed as sentences in our heads. It is these sentences in our heads that create feelings — the one-word emotions, usually felt somewhere in our bodies.
When we start to notice our thoughts and consciously manage them, we gain more control over how we want to feel and act. We literally become more thoughtful and less reactive.
While we can never know what’s going to happen next, there are fewer surprises because our responses become more predictable and aligned to what we care about (our values).
Noticing your thoughts gives you more options
Managing our thoughts is called thoughtwork and it involves the processes of noticing, evaluating, choosing and reflecting on our thoughts. Choosing is incredibly important here. This is because our thoughts are optional.
Whether we consciously realise it or not, we are constantly choosing which thoughts to think, rejecting other thoughts, and taking actions (or not), based on how those thoughts make us feel.
The Menu Metaphor
An example of where we might naturally evaluate and choose from our thoughts is when we review a restaurant menu. All the items on the menu are options. The stories that accompany each option are designed to evoke good feelings. This, combined with your own thoughts and feelings, will determine which options you choose, how many you go with, and how you act when the food arrives.
The restaurant menu can be a helpful metaphor for seeing the way that thoughts create feelings. It is only your thoughts about the items on the menu that generate feelings of excitement, anticipation, and desire. It is not the items themselves! For someone else, those same items could create feelings of disgust, weariness, and disinterest.
You can try this yourself right now. Read the following two food options and notice your reactions:
Bacon-wrapped BBQ ribs with a side of burnt ends
Curly kale, steamed carrots and broccoli with a creamy vegan herb sauce
Now ask yourself these questions, in order:
How do I feel about each of these options?
What are the thoughts — the sentences in my head — that explain each of these feelings?
Which of these thoughts is most important to me?
What if I prioritised a different thought right now? How does that feel?
Lastly, notice how choosing to prioritise a different thought could result in you ordering something different off the menu. Or not ordering anything at all.
Which is to say, the actions you take could change depending on which thought you choose to pay attention to (and how that thought makes you feel inside).
This is how we change our behaviour, and ultimately, our beliefs.
Using the Thought Model to change behaviour and beliefs
The Thought Model is a tool from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for gaining a deeper understanding of what’s going on with your thoughts, feelings and behaviour for any given situation.
The Thought Model is based on the premise is that there are circumstances in the world, and that these circumstances are neutral. This is where the model starts. The rest is as follows:
Get the Thought Model worksheet to start improving your confidence and productivity right now
We have thoughts about circumstances in our world
Those thoughts create feelings (the one-word emotions, usually felt somewhere in our bodies)
Feelings create actions (or inactions)
Actions create results…
Which are evidence for our beliefs (and drive new or further thoughts)
When we understand the relationship between all the different parts in the model, we can use this to have more control over how we think, feel, and act.
By slightly tweaking the thought, we can shift how we feel, which can lead to different actions, more desirable results, and ultimately, better beliefs about the world and our place in it.
A thought model example
Here's a very common thought model:
Circumstance: There are several work admin tasks that need doing.
Thought: These tasks are very tedious and boring.
Feelings: tired, unmotivated
Actions: Spent all morning dreading the tasks, didn’t start until the afternoon when energy was already waning.
Results: The tasks took longer to complete. Got much less done that day, felt tired and deflated, plus frustrated and hopeless about my productivity and work.
Beliefs: My dislike of tedium is a huge, unmanaged problem.
As you can imagine, this is a very unproductive thought model. If you’ve been there, you know how much time is wasted and how terrible it feels. What would the outcome be if you felt even slightly different here?
Let’s give a new model a try, just by changing the thought slightly:
Circumstance: There are several work admin tasks that need doing.
Thought: These tasks are necessary, important and demonstrate that I’m a professional, even when it’s less fun.
Feelings: accepting, committed (to my work)
Actions: Got on with it and did the tasks in the morning when I had more energy and motivation anyway.
Results: had a fairly productive day and spent the afternoon doing more enjoyable work. Feel somewhat energised, plus relieved about getting the hard stuff out of the way early.
Beliefs: My dislike of tedium doesn’t stop me from getting things done. I’m a professional who deals with things, even when I don’t feel like it.
Comparing these two models described above, we can see the knock-on effects of small shifts of thinking. This is important because actual, lasting change always happens through tiny iterations. For example, if you have a mindset goal — such as wanting to change your beliefs around a particular topic — you won’t be able to get there in one giant leap of new thought. This is what Thought Ladders are for and they’re a great complement to the Thought Model.
Final thoughts on Thought Models
The wonderful thing about Thought Models is that you can notice, practice and apply them anywhere, anytime, for any thought at all. This process will become more automatic as you become more self-aware and skilled at this. Over time, this practice can lead to feeling more productive, motivated and confident.
There will be circumstances beyond your control. There will be challenges and extreme emotions. The goal of the Thought Model is not to suppress, ignore or deny these things. The goal is to strengthen both your awareness and your resilience, so that you can weather anything that comes your way, eliminate unnecessary suffering, and take conscious action that you feel proud of.
Download the free Thought Model worksheet and start practicing more productive, helpful thoughts right now:
