The sweet spot between support and challenge
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“So what?”
“What's the story you're telling yourself about this?”
“And if that weren't true?”
I love these types of questions. I love offering them in a space that's free from judgement. Where people feel simultaneously held and pushed.
When I coach someone, I'm looking for the sweet spot where I'm offering enough support and enough challenge to inspire change.
Too much support is very comfortable = no change
Too much challenge is very uncomfortable = no change
Not enough of each is useless. Also, no change
Putting these ideas together, the Goldilocks principle of coaching looks something like this:
Good support + healthy challenge = meaningful change
The wisdom of discomfort
It used to make me very uncomfortable to ask confronting questions. To cause a disturbance. To sit silently with a feeling of awkwardness.
But I also see the value of thought provoking questions. And I knew I was offering them in a safe space. So I held my ground. I pushed past the discomfort. To learn.
This is how the inspiration to change works. It impacts everyone in the space.
A gentle challenge
As you go about your day, pay attention to where the discomfort is. Maybe it’s merely an annoyance, but notice if it’s helping you grow in some way. Even if that’s just pressure-testing your tolerance levels.
If it’s something greater, consider if you might benefit from asking for company as you go through it or support in managing things.
And lastly, for a broader view of your current situation, ask yourself these three questions:
Where might I be too comfortable?
Where might I be overly challenged?
Where could I use more of both?
